Friday, August 29, 2008
The bank had it coming
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.
Here is the exchange:
Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”
Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”
Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”
Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
Citibank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”
Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: “Excuse me?”
Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?”
Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” (Duh!)
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in January.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”
Citibank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”
Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.”
(Lawyer info given)
Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”
Family Member: “Sure.” (Fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”
Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”
Citibank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.” (What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”
Citibank: “That might help.”
Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”
Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”
The Conversation ended here but I wonder if Citibank is still sending credit card statements and collection staff to this address.
Here is the exchange:
Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.”
Family Member: “Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.”
Citibank: “Since it is two months past due, it already has been.”
Family Member : So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
Citibank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!”
Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” (I really liked this part!!!!)
Citibank: “Excuse me?”
Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?”
Citibank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” (Duh!)
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you, she died in January.”
Citibank: “The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by the bank!)
Family Member: “You mean you want to collect from her estate?”
Citibank: (Stammer) “Are you her lawyer?”
Family Member: “No, I’m her great nephew.”
(Lawyer info given)
Citibank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”
Family Member: “Sure.” (Fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Citibank: “Our system just isn’t setup for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”
Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don’t think she will care.”
Citibank: “Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.” (What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”
Citibank: “That might help.”
Family Member: “Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”
Citibank: “Sir, that’s a cemetery!”
The Conversation ended here but I wonder if Citibank is still sending credit card statements and collection staff to this address.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A day in the life of a doctor
A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s –Dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
– Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
—-
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
Big breaths,” I instructed. Yes, they used to be,” remorsefully replied the patient.
– Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
—
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
– Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
—
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
– Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
—
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?”
I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
– Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
—
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bed-ridden?”
After a look of complete confusion she answered … Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was alive.”
–Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
—
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how’s your breakfast this morning?”
It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
– Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
—
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”
– The Doctor won’t admit his name
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
– Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
—-
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
Big breaths,” I instructed. Yes, they used to be,” remorsefully replied the patient.
– Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
—
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
– Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
—
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
Now your left.” Again, a flawless read. Now both,” I requested. There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
– Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
—
During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. Which one?”
I asked. The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!” I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
– Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
—
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, “How long have you been bed-ridden?”
After a look of complete confusion she answered … Why, not for about twenty years — when my husband was alive.”
–Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
—
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, So, how’s your breakfast this morning?”
It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled “KY Jelly.”
– Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
—
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, “I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?”
She replied, “No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.”
– The Doctor won’t admit his name
Peanuts
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her “Why don’t you eat the peanuts?”
“We can’t chew them because we have no teeth”, she replied.
“We just love the chocolate around them."
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on the shoulder again and she hands the driver another handful of peanuts.
When she is about to hand him another batch again, he asks her “Why don’t you eat the peanuts?”
“We can’t chew them because we have no teeth”, she replied.
“We just love the chocolate around them."
Golf
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a 5-Iron golf club wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.”
“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow’s arse.
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’”
“I don’t remember much after that .”
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.”
“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow’s arse.
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey, this looks like yours!’”
“I don’t remember much after that .”
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Cigarettes and tampons
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………… so does she.”
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, “You see, it’s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it’s sooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ………… so does she.”
I'll never understand women
I know I’m not going to understand women.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
I’ll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The US recession
Here is an interesting comment on the current recession in USA:
Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the
following: ''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it
on gasoline, it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to
India .
If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and
Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase
useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American
economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes
and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US.
I'm doing my part.
Dr. Marc Faber concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the
following: ''The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it
on gasoline, it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to
India .
If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras and
Guatemala. If we purchase a good car it will go to Germany. If we purchase
useless crap, it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American
economy.
The only way to keep that money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes
and beer, since these are the only products still produced in US.
I'm doing my part.
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