An ugly woman walks into a shop with her two kids.
The shopkeeper asks “Are they twins”?
The woman says “No, he’s 9 and she’s 7.
Why? Do you think they look alike?”
“No”, he replies “I just can’t believe you got laid twice”!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
What makes a boss a boss.
One CEO always scheduled staff meetings for 4:30 on Friday afternoons. One of the employees finally got up the nerve to ask why, the CEO explained, “I’ll tell you its very simple – it’s the only time of the week when none of you seems to want to argue with me.”
One day in 2009
One sunny day in 2009, an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Ave, where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and, again just walked away
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and, again just walked away
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I’ve told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”
Monday, September 29, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Warning
Dear all,
The following pictures may not be suitable for some and may cause adverse side effects.
Symptoms includes:
- Swearing
- Induce vomitting
- Eye sore
- More swearing
- Loss of appetite
- Blushing (In the event this happens to anyone, we are no longer friends.)
- Severe swearing
I will not be responsible for any ill effects should you choose to sue me.
Please enjoy your stay.
The following pictures may not be suitable for some and may cause adverse side effects.
Symptoms includes:
- Swearing
- Induce vomitting
- Eye sore
- More swearing
- Loss of appetite
- Blushing (In the event this happens to anyone, we are no longer friends.)
- Severe swearing
I will not be responsible for any ill effects should you choose to sue me.
Please enjoy your stay.
Questions That Haunt Me
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Same problem
A father found his small son looking very unhappy. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
The boy said, “I can’t get along with your wife.”
The boy said, “I can’t get along with your wife.”
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
In-flight entertainment
If you’re sitting next to someone on a plane who irritates you, try doing this:
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up.
4. Make sure the fellow traveler who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
6. Then click here.
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Start it up.
4. Make sure the fellow traveler who is annoying you can see the screen.
5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky and move your lips like you are praying.
6. Then click here.
A cat named 'Lucky'
When I saw the title of this pic I thought I'm gonna teared from reading how this cat got it's name.
And boy was I so wrong.....
And boy was I so wrong.....
A helping hand
A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?”
The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”
The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”
Luigi's new shoes
Luigi was in this country for only 6 months. He walks to work 20 blocks every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Boccelli leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much… it’s all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, ‘Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?’
Startled, Sophia replies, ‘Yes, Luigi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?’
Luigi answers, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?’
Next he asks Rosa to dance and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa, do yo! u wear w hite panties tonight?’
Rosa answers, ‘Yes, Luigi, I do, but how do you know that?’
He replies, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?’
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states, ‘Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!’
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, ‘Yes Luigi, I wear no panties tonight.’
Luigi gasps, ‘Thanka God .. I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!
Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, ‘Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?’
Startled, Sophia replies, ‘Yes, Luigi, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?’
Luigi answers, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?’
Next he asks Rosa to dance and after a few minutes he asks, ‘Rosa, do yo! u wear w hite panties tonight?’
Rosa answers, ‘Yes, Luigi, I do, but how do you know that?’
He replies, ‘I see the reflection in my new $300 Boccelli leather shoes. How do you like them?’
Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face turns red. He states, ‘Carmela, be stilla my heart, please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight, please, please, tella me this true!’
Carmela smiles coyly and answers, ‘Yes Luigi, I wear no panties tonight.’
Luigi gasps, ‘Thanka God .. I thought I had a CRACK in my $300 Boccelli leather shoes!
Friday, September 19, 2008
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