Translation

TRANSLATING WOMEN’S PERSONAL ADS:

* 40-ish………………………….49.
* Adventurous……………………..Slept with everyone.
* Athletic………………………..No breasts.
* Average looking………………….Moooo.
* Beautiful……………………….Pathological liar.
* Emotionally Secure……………….On medication.
* Feminist………………………..Fat.
* Free Spirit……………………..Junkie.
* Friendship first…………………Former Slut.
* New-Age…………………………Body hair in the wrong places.
* Old-fashioned……………………No B.J.’s
* Open-minded……………………..Desperate.
* Outgoing………………………..Loud and embarrassing.
* Professional…………………….Witch.
* Voluptuous………………………Very fat.
* Large frame……………………..Hugely fat.
* Wants soul mate………………….Stalker.

TRANSLATING WOMEN’S ENGLISH:

* Yes…………………………….No
* No……………………………..Yes
* Maybe…………………………..No
* We need…………………………I want
* I am sorry………………………You’ll be sorry
* We need to talk………………….You’re in trouble
* Sure, go ahead…………………..You better not
* Do what you want…………………You will pay for this later
* I am not upset…………………..Of course, I am upset, you moron!
* You’re attentive tonight………….Is sex all you ever think about?

TRANSLATING MEN’S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry……………………..I am hungry
* I am sleepy……………………..I am sleepy
* I am tired………………………I am tired
* Nice dress………………………Nice cleavage!
* I love you………………………Let’s have sex now
* I am bored………………………Do you want to have sex?
* May I have this dance?……………I’d like to have sex with you.
* Can I call you sometime?………….I’d like to have sex with you.
* Do you want to go to a movie?……..I’d like to have sex with you.
* Can I take you out to dinner?……..I’d like to have sex with you.
* I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit…………..I’m gay.